Nurturing a Safe and Inclusive Preschool Environment: Strategies to Prevent Bullying

Preschool is a crucial time in a child's life, as it sets the foundation for social interactions and emotional development. As educators and parents, we are responsible for creating a nurturing and inclusive environment that prevents bullying. This blog post will explore what bullying in preschool looks like, its potential effects on children, and practical strategies to prevent bullying and promote positive interactions among preschoolers.

Understanding Bullying in Preschool:

Bullying in preschool may manifest in different forms, including physical, verbal, and relational aggression. It involves repeated acts of intentional harm, where one child uses their power or influence to intimidate, exclude, or harm another child. Identifying these behaviors early on and addressing them promptly is essential to creating a safe and supportive environment for all children.

. Potential Effects of Bullying on Preschoolers:

Bullying can have significant short-term and long-term effects on preschoolers, including:

Emotional Distress: Children who experience bullying may feel anxious, sad, or fearful, leading to a negative impact on their overall well-being.

Low Self-esteem: Bullying can erode a child's self-esteem and confidence, making them doubt their abilities and worth.

Social Isolation: Bullied children may struggle to form positive relationships with peers, leading to social exclusion and loneliness.

Impact on Learning: The stress caused by bullying can interfere with a child's ability to concentrate, participate, and learn effectively in the preschool environment.

Strategies to Prevent Bullying in Preschool:

Establish Clear Expectations: Create a classroom culture that promotes kindness, empathy, and respect. Set clear expectations for behavior and consistently reinforce positive interactions.

Teach Social and Emotional Skills: Incorporate social and emotional learning into the curriculum, helping children develop empathy, problem-solving skills, and conflict-resolution strategies.

Foster a Positive Classroom Climate: Create a welcoming and inclusive environment where children feel safe to express themselves. Celebrate diversity and encourage cooperation and collaboration among students.

Educate Parents and Caregivers: Provide resources and workshops for parents and caregivers on recognizing and addressing bullying behaviors. Encourage open communication and collaboration between home and school.

Supervise and Monitor Interactions: Actively observe and intervene when necessary to prevent and address bullying incidents. Foster a sense of vigilance among teachers and staff to ensure the safety and well-being of all children.

Promote Peer Relationships: Encourage positive peer interactions through cooperative activities, group projects, and teamwork. Foster a sense of belonging and inclusivity among all children.

Use Positive Reinforcement: Recognize and praise children for their kind and inclusive behaviors. Highlight positive role models and encourage children to support and stand up for one another.

Implement Anti-Bullying Policies: Develop and enforce clear policies that outline the consequences of bullying behaviors. Ensure that all staff, parents, and children know these policies.

Provide Support for Bullied Children: Offer support and counseling services for children who have experienced bullying. Work closely with parents to create a plan to address the situation and provide ongoing support.

Preventing bullying in preschool requires a collaborative effort between educators, parents, and caregivers. By implementing these strategies, we can create a safe and inclusive environment where all children can thrive. Remember, early intervention and consistent reinforcement of positive behaviors are crucial to fostering a preschool environment that values kindness, empathy, and respect. Together, we can empower our preschoolers to become compassionate individuals who stand up against bullying and promote a culture of acceptance and inclusion.

The Importance of Avoiding Swings and Bouncers for Infants in Child Care

Child care is a crucial aspect of parenting, and choosing the right environment for your little one is paramount. Regarding infant care, it is essential to prioritize their safety, comfort, and developmental needs. One common concern in childcare settings is using swings and bouncers for infants. In this blog post, we will explore why it is crucial to avoid using swings and bouncers with infants in childcare and provide alternative solutions for their well-being.

Safety Concerns:

Swings and bouncers may seem harmless, but they can pose significant safety risks for infants. These devices are not designed for unsupervised or prolonged use. Infants can slide down or slump forward without proper supervision, potentially leading to suffocation or falls. It is crucial to remember that infants have limited control over their movements and may be unable to react quickly to prevent accidents.

Restricted Movement and Development:

Infants require ample time and space to explore their surroundings and develop their motor skills. Placing them in swings and bouncers for extended periods restricts their natural movement patterns, hindering their physical development. Infants need opportunities to practice rolling, crawling, and eventually standing and walking. We limit their ability to develop these essential skills by confining them to swings and bouncers.

Lack of Interaction and Stimulation:

Infants thrive on human interaction and engaging with their environment. Swings and bouncers can isolate infants from social interaction, limiting their exposure to language, facial expressions, and sensory experiences. Research shows consistent social interaction and stimulation are crucial for infants' cognitive and emotional development. Childcareproviders can create an environment that promotes healthy interactions and overall development by avoiding swings and bouncers.

Alternative Solutions for Infant Care:

Tummy Time: Encourage regular tummy time sessions for infants. This allows them to strengthen their neck and back muscles, supporting their physical development and preparing them for crawling and rolling.

Safe Floor Play: Provide a safe and designated area for infants to explore on the floor. Use age-appropriate toys and objects that encourage reaching, grasping, and sensory exploration. This allows infants to develop their fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

Holding and Cuddling: Physical contact, such as holding and cuddling, is essential for an infant's emotional well-being. Encourage childcare providers to create a warm and nurturing environment where infants receive the love and attention they need.

Interactive Play: Engage infants in interactive play that stimulates their senses and promotes social engagement. Singing, reading, and gentle games can provide valuable language development and bonding opportunities.

Choosing the right childcare setting for your infant is a critical decision that should prioritize their well-being and development. Avoiding swings and bouncers in childcare creates a safer and more nurturing environment for infants. Emphasizing interactive play, tummy time, and floor play enables infants to explore, develop essential skills, and thrive emotionally and physically. Let's work together to create childcare environments that prioritize the holistic growth and happiness of our little ones.

10 proven ways to finally stop yelling at your kids (Copy)

“Bennett! We don’t flush our underpants down the toilet! Do you understand?! No underpants! Only pee and poop and toilet paper!” I bellowed.

My then four-year-old son, caught red-handed with his fingers on the flusher, looked at me with wide-eyed shock and then covered his ears with his hands, while his Nemo briefs swirled down into the sewage system. I’d been telling Bennett for weeks not to flush toothpaste, shoes and even a book down the commode. This underpants transgression was the last straw. I went berserk, morphing from rational parent to screaming psychopath in seconds. To make matters worse, the bathroom window was open, and the neighbours had been serenaded with my crazy-lady tirade.

I don’t yell often, but when I do raise my voice, it’s because something has pushed me over the edge. I am not alone in exercising my vocal cords with my kids. Whether parents yell because they believe in old-school discipline or just lose their cool sometimes, a 2003 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that close to 90 percent of the nearly one thousand parents surveyed copped to getting shouty with their children in the previous year. What’s more, for families with kids older than seven, almost 100 percent of parents admitted to yelling.

Read More

“Parents yell because they’re getting pulled in a million different directions and something happens that makes them frustrated. They see their kids fighting or the child is doing something they don’t approve of, and so they just kind of let loose. It’s some kind of automatic response,” says Nina Howe, professor of early and elementary childhood education at Concordia University.

Clinical counsellor Elana Sures describes it as going from zero to 60. “The anger just sort of parachutes in,” she says. “It sneaks up from behind, and we know we have been triggered. Our hearts are pounding and our jaws are clenched—it’s clear something’s hijacked us.”

If one universal truth of yelling-as-discipline is that we all do it, another truth is this: It’s not very effective. Not only are you modelling screaming as a conflict-resolution strategy, but you also might be making things worse. A 2013 study found that harsh verbal discipline doesn’t curb problem behaviours for tweens and teens and could, in fact, make them more likely to continue doing whatever it is you are railing against. The research went so far as to compare aggressive and ongoing verbal reprimands with physical discipline, such as spanking.

Has yelling become the new spanking? It’s a more socially acceptable way to deliver a reprimand and get kids’ attention. Many in our generation grew up being yelled at and even spanked, so it’s what we know. But then the final truth about yelling reveals itself: We don’t feel very good about ourselves when we launch into a tirade on our progeny. And it often frightens them (like it frightened us as kids) to be on the receiving end of angry words, making them anxious and, logically, more prone to yelling themselves.

“Yelling is something we can do to relay urgency to a kid,” says Sures. “What’s harmful about it, though, is that kids have sensitive nervous systems, and yelling is scary for them. It’s aggressive and intimidating. The facial expressions that accompany yelling are really angry and scary. So when we get the results we want from yelling, it’s because they’re scared and they just want us to stop yelling. It’s not because they actually made a decision to alter their behaviour.” Indeed, what makes yelling insidious is that it can seem to work in the short term, but over time, kids will either shut down or learn to tune it out, say experts.

Kelly Dueck, mom to two boys ages 10 and seven, wishes she yelled less at her sons. She rarely raised her voice when they were little, but now she has higher expectations when it comes to behaviour. When she says, “Get your pyjamas on,” she wants compliance. “I expect them to act more quickly than they would have when they were two,” says Dueck. “It’s the frustration that they’ve chosen not to listen. It’s those moments when I yell.”

Afterward, she feels badly. She knows there are other ways to get them to listen or respond, but in the moment, yelling is what comes out. “I sometimes try other approaches but then still resort to yelling,” she says. “You can read all the things that say, ‘Count to 10. Leave the room.’ But it’s hard to do them in the moment.”

So what can parents do instead? Lots. Think of this as your yelling rehab manual, a 10-step guide to gaining control over the outside voice.

1. Know your triggers

Yelling doesn’t happen out of the blue—it’s usually a response to a specific behaviour. In other words, something triggers it. If you can discover what causes you to blow a gasket, you will have a greater chance of avoiding it. “Figure out what those triggers are, because they vary across parents,” says Howe. “I’m tired, it’s been a stressful day at work, I’m coming home, and I’m going to have to make dinner. All these things are adding up, and there may be the likelihood you are going to lose it.” That self-awareness will help you make better choices, like preparing simple sandwiches for dinner or putting on a show to distract the kids while you cook.

2. Give kids a warning

It’s fair to caution children, as they are stalling bedtime or fighting in the car, that you are about to get shouty. “Say, ‘You’re pushing me, and I don’t want to yell to get your attention. If you don’t listen now, I might lose it,’” says Howe. That sober warning can sometimes be enough to get kids to tone it down.

Warnings also let kids prepare mentally for a transition, says Howe. Perhaps they’re not responding to your repeated pyjamas directive because they’re engrossed in a Lego project or book. “It’s giving them the heads-up,” says Howe. “So it’s time to go to bed. Do you need five more minutes? OK, I can handle five more minutes, but then time’s up.” I use this strategy with my son, and it works like a charm.

3. Take a time out

Child development specialist Judy Arnall’s favourite calm-down strategy is to go into the bathroom, yell into the toilet (instead of at her kids) and then flush it away. It’s the equivalent of taking a time out—physically leaving the room and then having a strategy to compose oneself, whether it involves squeezing a stress ball or sending in your spouse to deal. “If we’re committed to mindfully changing our behaviour and just taking a few minutes of time out before we do anything, it really helps us practise better self-control,” says the Calgary-based author of Parenting With Patience and Discipline Without Distress.

4. Make a Yes List

As Dueck can attest, taking an adult time out is easier said than done. That’s why Arnall recommends families sit down together and create a Yes List. On this list, which can be taped to the fridge, are acceptable things to do before you scream or say something you’re going to regret. It will vary from family to family, but it could include actions such as jogging in place, winging the Chuckit! ball for the dog or typing a social media rant you’ll never post. “It’s good if parents have a plan in place,” says Arnall. “If you do things on your Yes List—go into the bathroom and deep-breathe—kids are watching that, and they’re going to pick up on those things and do them, too.”

5. Teach the lesson later

Shouting isn’t communicating—it actually undermines the legitimacy of parents’ concerns and encourages children to shut down instead of listen. So Arnall and other parenting experts want to dispel the myth that children need to be taught in the moment, as if they’re puppies who can’t remember what happened 10 minutes ago. It can be hard to wait (feel the anger parachuting in?), but exercising self-control in the moment will deliver a stronger message overall. “The teaching moment comes later, and it’s way more effective when you’re calmer. But as with oxygen masks on an airplane, you have to get yourself calm first,” says Arnall. Then you’ll be able to talk it out or, with younger children, explain your behaviour expectations and the consequences. Kids made a mess? Clean it up together. Your daughter was being sassy? Ask how her day was, and explain how her words made you feel.

6. Know what’s considered normal behaviour

Sometimes, just realizing your children’s sibling rivalry, whining, mouthiness and bedtime aversion are normal and age appropriate makes the action less personal. They become behaviours to cope with rather than tactics intended to drive you crazy, says Sures. “It was really helpful to me to learn from a fellow psychologist that eye rolling from my nine-year-old daughter is normal behaviour. The mocking and the sighing happen because they don’t feel like they have control in the situation,” she says. “Putting it into perspective helps take the edge off. It’s normal for kids to be kind of sassy to their parents. What makes us yell is the idea that they shouldn’t be that way, that there’s something wrong with my kids and there’s something wrong with me. If you remove that, then it just becomes something to deal with.”

7. Be proactive

If getting out of the house in the morning always escalates into a shouting match, for example, prep the night before. Sures calls this a “strike while the iron’s cold” approach to parenting. She actually sends her two daughters to bed wearing socks so she won’t have to nag, nag, nag and then yell about socks in the morning. This simple shift has made a huge difference.

For others, being proactive might take the form of always bringing snacks to head off mid-hike whining or packing activities to keep kids busy (and less likely to fight with one another) while you’re running errands.

8. Adjust your expectations

With kids, keeping expectations realistic is key. Part of the reason we yell, says Sures, is because our high hopes for an outing or event don’t meet the reality. This happened to her on a summer holiday, when her youngest daughter became defiant, sat down and refused to budge in the middle of a temple complex in Asia. Sures says it felt like a parenting failure—that she hadn’t raised a six-year-old world traveller—when heat and jet lag would have made any child resistant to a drawn-out cultural tour. This advice applies to simpler scenarios, too. Plan a shorter hike. Run fewer errands. Issue one directive at a time. Or abandon your expectations altogether (for example, there’s no shame in ditching a full grocery cart in an aisle).

9. Recognize when it’s about you, not your child’s misbehaviour

One summer day in 2015, Mila Fischer* was stirring tomato sauce when she lost it on her kids for no good reason. Looking back, she realizes there was just no mental space for whatever the request had been that caused her eruption. “It’s like taking it out on them because there’s something wrong with you,” says the Calgary mom. “I certainly felt guilty and truly sorry. I wished I was doing better by my children.” Around the same time, Fischer started seeing a doctor about issues related to stress. The doctor recommended meditation, so Fischer tried an app called Calm that guided her through seven days of reflection. She started sleeping better, feeling more present at work and at home, and realized it had changed her interactions with her children. “It almost completely erased the yelling,” she says.

Sures believes yelling is often about more than a misbehaving child—it can be an outward manifestation of our own unmet needs. “Ask yourself, ‘What’s going on for me that I yelled at my kids for the past three days in a row? Did I not get enough sleep? Do I feel unappreciated? Apart from my kids’ behaviour, what else is going on for me?’”

10. Have a yelling debrief

So you lose it. You weren’t prepared, and your chill went down the drain with the underpants. What now? Apologize, say experts. “It takes the sting out of an ugly situation, and it reminds our kids that we’re human and sometimes emotions lead us to speak in ways we’re not proud of,” says Sures. She adds that saying sorry models appropriate behaviour for children to follow when they lose their temper. “It helps them cement the link between the big feeling and the resulting yelling.” Then, talk about what prompted the yelling, because it’s not always just about the parent losing control, but it’s also about the child needing to modify his or her behaviour. “It has to be a team approach here,” says Howe. “Something has set you off—some behaviour in your child is irritating you. Talk about it and find a way to solve it so it doesn’t happen so often.” It’s a win-win: Yell less, and you may soon find you have fewer reasons to get shouty.

When is it OK to yell?

Besides the obvious situations when we yell out of happiness or excitement (“Happy New Year!”), or to cheer kids on at a soccer game, experts agree that it’s OK to yell to get a child’s attention when he or she might be in danger. “You want to save it for those times when you really need them to listen, such as when they’re not stopping at the end of the sidewalk,” says Judy Arnall, a child development specialist and parenting author. “That’s why you don’t want to rely on yelling continuously, because yelling does sometimes work, but it doesn’t work if you use it all the time.”

The three types of yelling

There are three types of yelling parents generally use. There’s yelling that is more like stern, loud talking—you may consider it “raising your voice.” This kind can often be tuned out by kids, as it doesn’t tend to generate fear. Then there’s the yelling that’s caused by anger and rage—this type can scare kids and emotionally damage them when it’s chronic. Finally, there’s the good type of yelling, which parents use when their child is about to touch a hot stove or walk into the road.

Are some cultures just shoutier than others?

Some cultures are certainly more emotionally expressive, and yelling may be more culturally normative, but that doesn’t make it OK to scream at your kids. Angry outbursts directed at children frighten them, but sometimes—no matter where we come from—we lose it on our loved ones. Therefore, regardless of which culture we belong to, it’s really the aftermath that counts. “Most children can handle seeing their parents ramp up, as long as it is followed up with a cool-down and resolution in the form of debriefing, hugging and working it out,” says Elana Sures, a Vancouver-based clinical counsellor.

By Lisa Kadane

Here are 15 reasons why preschool is essential:

1. PRESCHOOL TEACHES CHILDREN HOW TO BE LEARNERS.

Young children learn by playing. If a child’s first introduction to classroom learning is in an overly academic environment, they may fail to develop a strong sense of curiosity and be turned off from school.

Preschool provides opportunities for children to learn in ways that interest them, building a positive association with learning. Preschool helps children develop a drive to learn that they will take with them throughout their time in school.

2. PRESCHOOL HELPS CHILDREN DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS.

Children spend extended amounts of time at preschool with other children and adults outside their families. The environment provides plenty of opportunities to learn how to make friends, cooperate, listen, and build foundational conversation skills.

3. CHILDREN DEVELOP SELF-REGULATION SKILLS THROUGH “TEACHABLE MOMENTS” AND OTHER INTERACTIONS AT PRESCHOOL.

When children play and engage in activities with their peers, there will almost inevitably be minor conflicts that bring frustration, anger, and other emotional challenges. These conflicts provide opportunities for “teachable moments.” 

Teachers can encourage children to notice how their behavior impacts others and practice interpersonal problem-solving skills. Preschool graduates leave class with emotional skills they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

4. PRESCHOOL ACTIVITIES BOOST PRE-LITERACY SKILLS.

At preschool, teachers offer a variety of games and activities that help children build pre-literacy skills. Children sing alphabet songs, learn rhymes that help them distinguish between sounds, listen to read-aloud stories, and play with magnetic alphabet letters.

In addition to learning these foundations, children often develop a sense of excitement and motivation to continue learning. Preschool pre-literacy learning occurs during activities that are inherently interesting to children, which builds positive associations with reading.

5. PRESCHOOL BUILDS A FOUNDATION FOR MATH.

Preschool doesn’t teach children math before they’re ready, but it does build the foundations for future success through fun activities and guided play. Children often play matching, sorting, or counting games and board games that help students understand numbers and categories.

6. THE PRESCHOOL ENVIRONMENT NURTURES CHILDREN’S CREATIVITY AND CURIOSITY.

Young children have active imaginations, and those imaginations can be nurtured to fuel learning and creativity. The preschool environment is set up to encourage exploration.

Preschool teachers are trained to help children develop their ideas and thoughts. They encourage curiosity, ask questions, and listen to children’s ideas rather than pushing “correct” answers or behaviors. 

Children are more likely to develop curiosity and creativity with a stimulating environment and the right adult interactions.

7. PRESCHOOL STUDENTS GET TO MAKE CHOICES.

Preschool children get to choose which activities they participate in. That means they get to follow their interests and learn decision-making skills and responsibility. Children are encouraged to make their own choices.

Teachers watch children and keep an eye on which activities they seem interested in. If a child seems unsure of how to enter other children’s play, they may offer suggestions on ways to join the group.

8. CHILDREN LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

At preschool, children are often given chances to practice being responsible. Preschool teachers teach and expect children to wash their hands, keep personal belongings in cubbies, and put toys back in their designated spaces.

9. CHILDREN LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER.

In addition to taking care of themselves, preschoolers learn how to care for others. Teachers encourage children to help each other learn skills they are more competent at and view themselves as a resource for other children.

Preschool children may also be given opportunities to help out in the classroom. Teachers may ask them to set the table at snack time, fix the calendar, or help set up an activity, for example.

10. PRESCHOOL PROMOTES LANGUAGE SKILLS.

Children learn language skills best in a language-rich environment. Teachers help children develop language capabilities at preschool by introducing new vocabulary during activities and asking thought-provoking questions.

With ample opportunities to try new things, listen to read-aloud books, act out stories, and sing, preschool children have a clear advantage in learning to communicate effectively.

11. CHILDREN DEVELOP COGNITIVE SKILLS.

Children build cognitive skills through activities that challenge them to try new things, solve problems, ask questions, and observe the world around them. Preschool emphasizes these activities, and children learn more as a result.

12. PRESCHOOL ACTIVITIES HELP CHILDREN DEVELOP MOTOR SKILLS.

While literacy, math, and cognition are essential, brainy skills are not the only ones young children should learn. Many preschool activities help children develop physical coordination and fine motor schools.

Children are challenged to develop fine control of their fingers with projects that involve threading with beads, drawing, or even cutting with scissors. Many preschools also offer daily opportunities for children to challenge themselves by jumping or climbing.

13. THE PRESCHOOL ENVIRONMENT PROVIDES STRUCTURE WITH LIMITED RULES.

Preschool may not seem highly structured at first glance. However, classroom space is always organized to encourage social interaction and skills development.

Preschool teachers provide opportunities to engage in group activities, listen to stories, and work with other children. Children can explore their curiosity in an environment with various activity choices while still getting used to structured activities.

14. PRESCHOOL PREPARES CHILDREN FOR KINDERGARTEN.

Kindergarten has become more and more academic over time. Because of this trend, some parents believe their children need a stronger pre-math and pre-literacy foundation in preschool to succeed later on. Others worry that their children need more structured play and opportunities to explore their interests.

Preschool provides both kinds of learning opportunities for children. A high-quality education program will offer children both protected play time and skills development that prepare them for kindergarten.

15. PRESCHOOL IS A FOUNDATIONAL OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH.

More than anything else, preschool helps children develop the skills they will need to grow throughout their lives.

With improved social and communication skills, they will be better able to ask for help and cooperate. Strong pre-literacy, cognition, and math foundation skills make them less likely to struggle or have a negative experience in school. 

The emotional skills and understanding of the world children develop while they are young will help them become constructive members of society as they grow.

Why Kids Lie—Age by Age

"Daddy puts on your bras sometimes," my then 4-year-old said nonchalantly as I tried on lingerie in a department store dressing room.

"Excuse me? When?" I asked, astonished.

"When you're asleep," she replied—and proceeded to describe how, early Saturday mornings, he'd slip a bra over his T-shirt and then jump on our mini-trampoline. She stuck to her tale so adamantly that later that day, I sheepishly asked my schoolteacher husband if he'd ever jokingly held one of my lacy underthings up to his chest (he hadn't).

We laughed, but I felt unsettled. Lying to avoid punishment or to get an extra piece of pie—that I could understand. But Lillian was lying frequently, for kicks, and she'd never admit that a made-up story wasn't true. Should I insist on honesty, I wondered, lest she develop into a pathological liar? Or let it slide, to avoid crushing her creativity?

The latter, apparently: The experts I quizzed about Lillian's tale were unfazed. "There's nothing wrong with her telling it," says Michael Brody, M.D., a child psychiatrist in Potomac, Maryland. "Very young kids don't know the difference between truth and fiction."

In fact, this type of lying can be a sign of good things. "Preschoolers with higher IQ scores are more likely to lie," says Angela Crossman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York, who researched the subject. Early lying proficiency may also be linked with good social skills in adolescence.

Of course, not all kids' lies are trivial incidents you can just laugh off—and you do want to raise a child who values honesty. Knowing the types of untruths kids tell at each stage, and why, can help you gently guide your own toward a level of truthfulness that's appropriate for his age.

Toddlers: first fibs

It's usually pretty obvious when one of Eric Lutzker's 2-year-old twin boys, Merce and Jacob, has a dirty diaper. The trick is determining which one. "If you ask them, they'll each simultaneously say the other's name," says the Seattle dad. "They don't want to go through the rigmarole of a diaper change, so they lie about it."

Such self-serving fibs are the first kinds of lies many young toddlers try out. As any mom of a toddler or preschooler can tell you, kids as young as 3—sometimes even 2—will tell very simple lies, denying they've done something or in order to gain something for themselves.

It doesn't make sense to punish toddlers for truth bending, since they don't get that what they're doing is wrong. "If a two-year-old pulls the cat's tail and says that her imaginary friend did it, the best response is to say, 'The cat has feelings, too,' " says Elizabeth Berger, M.D., a child psychiatrist and author of Raising Kids With Character. "Don't get into a wrangle to get the child to admit that she was the one." An even better strategy is to avoid the showdown in the first place. "Rather than asking 'Did you break the vase?' say, 'Look, the vase got broken,' " says Dr. Brody. "If you make an angry accusation, you'll get a lie."

Preschoolers: small people, tall tales

My daughter's story about her dad wearing a bra is typical of 3-to 5-year-olds' freewheeling relationship with reality. This is the age of invisible friends, horned monsters and talking rainbows. Though she recently outgrew them, 4-year-old Lucy Sterba of El Cerrito, California, basked last year in the companionship of not one, but eight imaginary sisters, each with a name, birth date and backstory. "The sisters did things Lucy couldn't do, like wear pink dresses every day," says her dad, Chris.

Preschoolers' tall tales can be pure play, or sometimes wishful thinking (Lucy's pretend sisters never had to eat mushrooms the way Lucy does, her mom notes). And it's not unusual for young kids to insist, as Lucy did, that their fantasy world is real. "It's not really a lie," says Dr. Berger. "What your child indicates when he says 'He's real' is the tremendous colorfulness, prominence, and importance of his imaginary friends."

If a particular tall tale troubles you, it's important to keep things in perspective. "If a child seems happy and has realistic relationships with the important people in his life, I would not be worried about his fantasizing. That's what children did before there was TV," Dr. Berger says. Remember that what seems outlandish to adults may simply be a child's way of processing new ideas. After Lucy learned that her grandfather had died before she was born, several of her "sisters" suddenly died, too. "She would talk about it in a very matter-of-fact way," Sterba says. "Our friends started to joke that there must be an epidemic." 

Schoolkids: they've got their reasons

Shea McMahon, 8, and his brother Jack, 6, of Austin, Texas, both denied pilfering their sister's hospital newborn bracelet from a keepsake box. "I yelled and cajoled and said no Sunday breakfast for either one until they confessed," says Shannon McMahon. A few minutes later, Jack owned up. But when his mom asked for details, he panicked. "Finally, he admitted, 'I got nothin'. I just wanted you guys to stop asking,' " she says. Then Shea, the real perp, burst into tears.

Jack's attempt to take the rap for his big brother signals an important developmental step: the ability to tell a white (or "prosocial") lie—one that benefits someone else or is told to avoid hurting someone's feelings. "It actually shows a bit of social awareness and sensitivity," says Crossman.

But as Shea's fib by omission shows, 5-to 8-year-olds also still occasionally resort to the not-so-white lie. Kids this age do so for all sorts of understandable, even forgivable, reasons—for example, they're afraid of how disappointed you'll be or the punishment they'll get, even because they're pressed beyond their capabilities. (If, say, a kid's having trouble with math, he might insist he has no math homework.) Before you send your child to his room or take away his TV privileges for the day, try to find out what drove him to lie, and take his reasons into consideration.

Tweens: growing fast and stretching the truth

When we had a Halloween party for my older daughter, Aurora's, third-grade class, my husband made up a ghost story about "the rundown house up the block." At the end, the girls cried, "Can we go see it?" At 9, they'd developed concrete ideas of truth and falsehood but were still naive about the gray area in between.

And speaking of gray areas, tweens are also apt to gloss over details of their lives they once freely spilled about. Don't be surprised if your child keeps mum about things she would have shared with you a year or two before, like the latest lunch-table gossip. This new secretiveness isn't dishonesty or a sign that your child is up to anything wrong. In fact, it reflects her growing maturity. "Kids who tell everything to their parents at age thirteen or fourteen are not growing up," says Dr. Brody.

Of course, as your child gains more independence, he may take advantage of it by pulling a fast one from time to time. When 9-year-old Joey DeMille of San Diego asked his mother to stop "nagging" him about completing his daily reading log, she agreed to back off and let him take responsibility. "For the entire month of January, I didn't ask him to show me his log," she says, and Joey swore that he was filling it in daily. But when the time came to turn in the log, his mother was shocked to discover that it was nearly blank. "He had been lying to me all month long!" she says.

An occasional lie about homework, chores or toothbrushing, while aggravating, is not unusual at this age. The best response usually is to simply express your displeasure. But if a tween lies chronically, he might need professional assistance to sort things out. "Children who are anxious, who feel that they can't handle some kind of situation, may lie," says Dr. Berger. "It could be a sign of any number of stresses that the child is under." It could also be the sign of a smart kid who finds lying a convenient tactic.

The best way to steer your tween toward greater honesty? Set a good example yourself (no fudging his younger brother's age to get cheaper movie tickets) and talk to him about how lying can damage your credibility and relationships. "It's the kind of lesson that doesn't sink in immediately," says Crossman. What lesson ever does, especially with kids that age? But chances are your child will grow out of his fibbing—and into an honest-to-goodness adult.

Juliette Guilbert, a mother of two, lives near Seattle and is currently working on a book about kids and drug use.

Learning to Walk

A baby's first few years are marked by many milestones. But the one you'll probably always remember is when he took his first wobbly steps. Walking is a major developmental leap for babies, and parents are often anxious about when it'll happen. Every baby learns to walk at his own pace, however, so just because your friend's child is already toddling doesn't mean yours should be, too! Read on to find out what signals indicate your child is ready to walk, how you can help, and more.

When will my baby walk?

Most babies take their first steps around their first birthday, but the age range varies from 9 to 18 months. Don't worry if your baby takes a few detours along the way. Some kids never crawl—they go straight from standing to walking—and that's perfectly normal. What's important at this stage is that your child is using arms and legs together to become mobile. If your child is doing any of the following, walking is not far behind:

• Rolling around

• Crab walking

• Scooting

• Climbing stairs using his hands

Look at your child's progress. Is he doing more this month than last month? Is he getting a little bit more of his body off the ground? If so, you've got nothing to worry about. If by the end of his first year he doesn't make any effort to get around somehow, talk to your doctor.

How to encourage walking

It takes most babies about 1,000 hours of practice from the time they pull themselves upright to the time they can walk alone. To help prepare your child for taking those first few steps:

From birth:

The single most important requirement for walking: strong back muscles, which babies develop by lifting their heads while lying on their tummies. So make sure yours gets plenty of tummy time while awake. Place interesting toys and objects just out of reach for motivation.

Once she can sit:

Help her practice her balance and mobility by rolling a ball back and forth with her. Or hold a toy in front of her and move it from side to side, which will encourage her to lean this way and that. As she lunges forward or crawls, she'll develop more strength in her neck, back, legs and arms, as well as more control of her hips—enabling her to pull herself up to a standing position—and safely plop down again.

Once she can stand:

Let her walk in front of you while you hold her hands—and periodically let go of one hand so she can experiment with balance. Or stand a few feet away from her and cheer her on when she's standing on her own. Offer lots of encouragement and praise.

Once she can cruise:

After she has mastered standing, she may start to leave her handprints all over the house as she cruises from the wall to a chair to the coffee table. Help her by arranging sturdy furniture so she can make her way across the room. She may not yet be able to sit from a standing position, which she'll want to learn to do before walking on her own. Be close by so you can help ease her butt down with your hand; then she'll be able to sit without hurting her bottom.

Safety precautions

Your newly mobile baby can get around faster than you think! Step up your childproofing:

• Remove low tables with sharp corners that are hard to cover well enough to prevent injury. (Lacerations above or at the eyebrows are so common among kids learning to walk that in hospital emergency rooms they're called coffee-table lacerations!)

• Put away furniture that topples easily.

• Scour your home for trailing cords or other items your child might trip on. Put away throw rugs, retack loose carpet and have siblings pick up their toys.

• Install safety gates at the top and the bottom of the stairs, and supervise your baby whenever he's on the stairs.

• Lock up all potentially harmful household substances.

Should I buy a walker?

The short answer: No! Canada has banned the sale of walkers, and the American Academy of Pediatrics supports a similar ban in the United States. Each year, thousands of children end up in the hospital due to injuries from using walkers, such as toppling down the stairs or reaching a hot stove.

Bouncers and elliptical seats aren't good ideas, either. While they hold kids in an upright position, they don't help them learn to walk any faster. In fact, these devices may even delay walking if they're used too often. A child's body is not aligned correctly when he sits in one of them. Your baby's much better off on the floor or in a playpen.

Baby's first shoes

When indoors, it's best to let your child walk around barefoot. Her feet can grab slippery surfaces, like wood and tile floors, better. Outdoors, she'll need a pair of shoes. For a perfect fit:

• Don't shop for shoes first thing in the morning, since feet grow about 5 percent by the end of the day.

• Your child should be standing when you check for fit. You should be able to press the full width of your thumb between the tip of the shoe and the end of her toe, and there should be just enough room at the heel to squeeze your pinkie in.

• Let her toddle around the store in the shoes for five minutes, then take them off and look at her feet. If there are any irritated spots, nix those shoes—she won't be able to break them in.

• Check the fit monthly, since feet grow rapidly at this stage. And be ready to make a trip to the shoe store every two to three months.

As excited as you are about your baby taking his first steps, try to be patient. Every child has his own time frame for reaching this milestone. The best help you can offer: Be encouraging, set up safety measures and wait. Soon enough, the pitter-patter of little feet will be all over your house!

Musical Chores

Every Mom and Dad out there could use some help with the housework, but there are seldom any volunteers.  It’s time to make like “Tom Sawyer” and show your family how much fundoing chores can be.

Get the cleaning supplies out and assign everyone a chore or a room to clean according to age and / or skill level. (Be advised you may have to demonstrate the proper way to dust, sweep, take out the garbage, or wash a sink etc., and warn kids not to use harmful chemicals.)

Now for the fun part, put on your favorite dance music (everyone can vote) and have fun dusting, loading the dishwasher or picking up stray toys in the living room. When your kids see you bustin’ your best dance moves, they’ll want to join in on the fun too. Meet periodically in the kitchen to check things off the list, pass inspection, or have a small snack. You make even want to make a game or a contest out of it and award prizes to the best helpers. Working together shows kids the value of helping each other to get the jobs done, and strengthens family bonds. as well!

Sincerely,

The Meadows

The Toughest Enemy Of A Good Dad Is A Micromanaging Mom

I’m a dad, and even though fathers are more involved in parenting than ever, I’ll be the first to admit that moms run the parenting world. I’m not here to bash mothers, because I think they have the toughest and most thankless job there is, but I hope you’ll hear me out on this.

As you experience the joy, frustrations, pressures, and fears of motherhood, oftentimes there’s a dad who shares the same joy, frustrations, pressures, and fears that you do. Additionally, he’s trying to find his way and solidify his identity as a father. He wants to be helpful, nurturing, and a true parenting partner.

But then it happens.

Dad hears snickers from mom as he’s attempting to style his daughter’s hair. Mom hovers over dad like a hawk while he changes his baby’s diaper ensure it’s done “correctly.” Mom leaves a handwritten five-page instruction manual for dad when she leaves the house for a few hours.

You get the idea.

Does every mom act this way? Of course not. But everyone reading this probably knows of at least one mom who does. It’s usually not because her man is a complete idiot (and if he is a complete idiot, that brings up a whole new set of issues to discuss), it’s because of good old-fashioned maternal gatekeeping. Yes, that’s an actual thing, defined as the behaviors of moms directed at dads, and those behaviors play a role in how involved fathers are with their children.

When I worked in corporate training, I understood that an extremely big fear of adult learners is to look foolish in front of their peers. Whenever that happens, oftentimes these grown-ass men and women go into a shell, and it damn near takes the jaws of life to get them out.

So if Joe from Accounting went into a shell when the instructor for the billing-system-training class snapped at him for providing the wrong answer, how do you think a man would react to getting snapped at repeatedly — by the woman he loves — for doing something “wrong” in regards to parenting? Unlike Joe from Accounting, these men are students in the most important class ever: being a dad. And if their partners ridicule their abilities to do the job, oftentimes these men will just back away completely and harbor a shitload of resentment as well.

I’ve lost count of the number of dads who’ve reached out to me since I started writing just to vent about this issue. One dad told me that his desire to be a father has waned significantly due to his wife’s incessant micromanaging. Another dad expressed that he’s so unhappy with his wife’s parenting critiques that they’re currently in counseling in hopes of saving their marriage. The constant second-guessing, fear of messing up, and feeling like an idiot on a daily basis can become too much to take.

Is maternal gatekeeping the only factor that influences a dad’s behavior? Absolutely not, but it certainly is a factor to be taken seriously, and a study showed just that. Moms who offered encouragement to dads had a much stronger impact than criticism (duh, I know).

My wife is similar to most moms in the sense that she’s not a demon hell-bent on crushing the spirits of new dads all over the world; she just wants what’s best for her kids. But there were plenty of times when I had to remind her in no uncertain terms that “I got this.” Because (you guessed it), we dads want what’s best for our kids, too.

Men and women do almost everything differently, so it’s to be expected that dads may tackle parenting tasks a little differently than moms do. That’s okay. He may allow your son to munch on more junk food than you would normally allow, he may dress your daughter in an outfit that doesn’t perfectly match, he may allow his daughter to take more risks at the playground, and he may be the world’s worst hairstylist, but at the end of the day, does any of that shit really matter? Unless your kid’s life is in danger or there is serious risk of injury, please back the hell up and let him connect with his child. The world needs more men who are intrinsically motivated to be great daddies, not fewer.

The best part about letting a dad be a dad? The bond he will form with his little one will be impenetrable, he will be a more engaged partner, and most of all, he will be happy. That’s a gift that keeps on giving, and your family will reap the benefits.

 

Doyin Richards

@daddydoinwork

10 Ways to curb a Temper Tantrum

Most parents wish they could disappear or become invisible when their child has a tantrum in public. Onlookers can be very judgmental, thinking that the child is spoiled and unruly or the parents are doing a poor job. Actually, neither of those notions are the case. Tantrums are common in children from 1 to 4 years old. They don’t happen because the child deliberately wants to cause a scene, or because the parents have been lax in disciplining the child. The usual cause is due to the child’s frustration in not being able to express what they want.

A child throwing a tantrum can become quite animated, literally throwing themselves on the floor, flailing their arms and legs, pinching, scratching, hitting or biting. They have lost the ability to express what they want and temporarily loose all control. Here are 10 tips to tame your child’s tantrums:

Ignore the tantrum - In the middle of a tantrum emotions have taken over, that’s why trying to reason with him won’t work. Once the child calms down then you can talk. If the tantrum is happening in public or someplace other than your own home, try to isolate the child in a quiet place.

Give them space - Sometimes a kid just needs a way to get his anger out, so let him. Make sure there’s nothing in the area he could get hurt on, and other than that don’t get involved. Once he gets his feelings out, he will be able to calm himself and regain self-control.

Create a diversion - Act quickly to help your child forget that meltdown she just had. Whether it’s pulling out toys from your purse, offering a snack, or quickly changing activities, any of these methods can help head off a tantrum or calm a child after the fact.

Discipline without spanking - Spanking doesn’t teach a child what he did wrong or what behavior is acceptable. Instead it teaches a child that his parents will hurt him if they don’t like his behavior. After the child has had time to calm down, explain why his behavior was unacceptable, and suggest other ways he can make his needs known.

Find out what’s really frustrating your kid - Kids under 2 years of age usually have a 50 word vocabulary.  It’s often hard for them to express what they want. They may be tired, hungry, feeling ill, or just trying to get a certain toy. Teaching your child how to sign a few basic words such as food, milk, more, tired, Mom, Dad, all done, can help your child express her needs when she can’t speak them.

Hugs - It may seem like the last thing you’d want to do, but a good firm hug is very reassuring to a child and can really help settle them down quickly. Don’t talk, it might turn in to a battle of wills, just wrap your arms around your child in a good sturdy hug.

Do they need a snack or a nap? - Two of the biggest tantrum triggers are being tired or hungry. When a child is physically in this state, any little thing can send them over the edge. If you see this happening around the same time every day, it might be wise to schedule a snack or nap everyday to reduce tantrum triggers.

Behavior incentives - Sometimes kids will be more inclined to be on their best behavior if they know a reward is involved. Recognizing that some situations are difficult for kids, like being quiet in church, staying seated at a restaurant, or not whining at the grocery store, and offering a “bribe” ahead of time will often result in good behavior. The time for negotiations however, is before the event, not in the middle of a full blown tantrum.  For example, “If you can stay in your seat and behave at the restaurant, Mommy will make popcorn and watch a video with you when we get home.”

Speak calmly - This is difficult in the heat of the moment, but it’s the best thing you can do during a child’s tantrum. If you loose your cool, the situation will only escalate into a power struggle that no one wins. What your child wants at this point is 100% of your attention. Talking calmly shows your child that you’re not going to let her behavior get to you. Surprisingly, if you speak in a calm manner it will help youremain calm, when what you’d really like to do is yell right back.

Change locations - Quickly getting your child away from the scene of the tantrum can often snap them out of it. If your child starts melting down over something he wants at the store, take him to a quiet corner of the store or outside until he calms down. If he does it again, remain calm, and follow the same strategy.

Teaching Toddlers Responsibility

What mom doesn't dream of raising a responsible child who goes about her chores cheerfully and remembers to do them without nagging.Will your child live up to this vision? Probably not (at the very least you'll have to nag now and then!). But that doesn't mean you can't give your toddler some household tasks to tackle now. Even though your two-year-old is still too tiny to keep up with a set schedule of chores, you can take advantage of her desire to mimic you (and Dad) and give her a few jobs to do as you go about your day. She'll get a real feeling of accomplishment as she pitches in and does her share — and that, in turn, will feed into her sense of responsibility, especially when you reward her "help" with a lot of hugs and kisses ("Nice work, Sweetie!"). Eventually, those small jobs can grow into regular chores when she's a preschooler (and beyond) — even if those assignments are simple ones like getting dressed on her own and putting her dirty clothes into the hamper.

To get started, try these tips:

Begin early. By 18 months, kids are able to understand simple commands ("Bring me your sippy cup, please!"). They also have the manual dexterity and attention span for small chores, like putting away one of their books at the end of story time or watering the plants (as long as you don't mind that the table and floor get splashed, too). Some other tasks that are perfect for two-year-olds learning responsibility: Helping you pick up the toys, sort her clean socks, or throw paper into the recycling bin (make sure you hand her the papers first — you don't want to be going through the recycling bin searching for a missing bill!). A three-year-old can try her hand at setting the table (nonbreakables only!) and helping you pull weeds. The trick is to break down the job into smaller parts ("Let's put away the dolls first, and then we can tackle the blocks') and show your child exactly what you want her to do. Lower your expectations, too — if she just sorts one pair of socks or puts away two stuffed animals, that's good enough to begin with.

Make chores fun. Just as it's easier for you to vacuum if you've got the iPod playing, anything that makes helping out fun will keep your toddler interested. Make up silly songs that the two of you can belt out as you pick up the toys or set the table. Try turning kids' house chores into games; for example, you might challenge your child to put away her clothes before you finish folding the towels and sheets. When she's closer to three, consider putting up a chore chart in her room that she can fill with her choice of stickers when she's finished one of her tasks (taking her plate and cup to the sink, say, or sorting her socks).

Keep the pressure off. However good your intentions, criticizing your toddler's work or "fixing" what she's done will make her feel like she's done something wrong and sap her desire to pitch in. You can guide her as she's doing the task ("Wow! That's a really clean tomato! Let's wash that cucumber now!"), but don't butt in or take over. You may need to redo some of your toddler's work (like redust the furniture or reclean the window), but don't let her see you do so — if you really want to teach responsibility, you want her to feel that it's her job, not yours. Instead, lavish plenty of praise and encouragement for whatever she's accomplished. Just remember to keep giving her gentle reminders as she works — even if she's doing the same chore she did that morning. Toddlers have short memories, which is why they live in the moment (and think chores are a blast).

Need more ideas? Check out Chores for Children.

Have fun with your little helper!

Long-Distance Grandparents

Modern grandparents are often long-distance grandparents — instead of over the river and through the woods, it could be over several states and a handful of connecting flights to grandmother’s house we go. Admittedly, it can be tricky for far-flung family members to form a close bond with toddlers — for whom “out of sight, out of mind” is a way of life. But today’s grandmas and grandpas have an advantage that their parents didn’t — a bunch of high-tech options for keeping in touch. Suggest your parents invest in a web cam and digital recorder (if they don’t have these tech toys already) or send them the gear as a “new grandparents” present. Once they’re ready to roll, try any or all of the following suggestions:

• Set up Skype dates. Most seniors are computer-savvy, and almost anyone can master the basics of Skyping in a few minutes. Faraway relatives can become highly anticipated regular visitors once your tot sees their faces and hears their voices fairly often on the computer screen. Weekly Skype dates that everyone can look forward to are great, but spontaneous chats also work well — particularly if your munchkin is eager to show off the brand-new ball he just got.
• Keep your parents present. You can bring Nana and Pop-Pops into your toddler’s life by making sure their faces are well represented around your house. A digital picture frame is a toddler-friendly way to display a range of photos showing your parents (and their beloved grandkid) in a variety of places. You can use old photos to tell stories about them (“See, Nana’s the bride!”) or share your own childhood memories (“When I was your age, Pop-Pops took me to the circus — see, there we are!”).
• Bring them in for bedtime. Ask your parents to record your cutie’s favorite bedtime story on a digital tape player (they can play different characters or take turns narrating). Then you and your tot can listen as you snuggle and follow along with the book. If your routine-loving toddler won’t stand for any narrator but you at bedtime, play your parents’ recording during one of your daytime reading sessions.
• Give them a starring role. Even if they’re a world away, long-distance grandparents can seem as if they live next door once your sweetie knows what their house looks like. So get them to record their surroundings, narrating the tour as they roam from room to room. It might not be Oscar-worthy, but your curious critter will get a kick out of seeing shots of Grandma’s kitchen, living room, and the always-fascinating bathroom (maybe with Grandpa brushing his teeth!). Ask your parents to shoot scenes in the garage, backyard, or around the neighborhood so your tot can recognize those familiar spots the next time he visits and feel more at-home there too.

Of course, high-tech isn’t the only way to stay close. Grams and Gramps can always reach out the old-fashioned way, via snail mail. Toddlers love getting packages — and they don’t need to be filled with fancy presents. Ask your parents if they wouldn’t mind sending a small package every couple of weeks with stickers or brightly colored paper and crayons or a board book, along with photos of the happy gift-givers. Your little one will treasure his treats from his grandparents, no matter how small.

Here’s to long-distance love!

http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/ask-heidi/long-distance-grandparents.aspx?pos=1&xid=nl_YourDailyNewsletterfromWhattoExpect_20170126

 

10 Reasons why we are the BEST

Crying at Drop-Off — Perfecting the Preschool Separation

Are there waterworks at Preschool drop-off no matter what the weather? An occasional meltdown might mean your pint-sized pupil is coming down with a virus or didn’t get enough sleep. If this is a daily problem though, it could signal some preschool separation anxiety, which is par for the classroom course — especially for kids who’ve never spent time away from home without a parent.

Other reasons: Your child may need more time adjusting, or transitions (like the preschool good-bye) aren’t her thing. Not to stress. With some patience, your little one will get into the swing of school, and drop-off will become less dramatic. Until then, you can:

• Check in with the teacher. Most kids who cry at drop-off turn off the tears right after the preschool good-bye. To make sure that’s the case, ask the teacher over the phone or by e-mail. If she says all is well after preschool drop-off, then it’s the tricky transition talking. If, instead, your little one isn’t enjoying school at all (she seems stressed by the mere mention of school), it may be that she’s not ready for preschool, or she needs a different kind of preschool classroom or preschool teacher.

• Become an early bird. Hungry, tired kids are often clingy, cranky kids — in other words, kids primed for a preschool separation anxiety attack. So start some healthy sleep habits: Put your preschooler to bed earlier and wake her up earlier so there’s time for a leisurely yet energy-boosting breakfast (like oatmeal made with milk) to help her shake off the sleepies and get her preschool mojo on. Another good reason for an early-to-bed-early-to-rise policy? You can get to preschool sooner, so your little one can settle in and get more teacher attention before the other kids arrive.

• Get her excited about the school day. On the way to preschool, talk about what she might do (“I bet you’ll swing on the swings today”) and who she’ll see. Stay upbeat, don’t grill her with questions, and if you sense the conversation is stressing her out, switch to small talk. Whatever you do, don’t put any ideas in her head (“Don’t make a scene”) or compare her with the other kids (“Ashley never cries at preschool drop-off”).

• Give her something to hold. If the preschool allows it, let her bring a security object (like a favorite stuffed animal or blanket). Even if there’s a ban on toys from home, give her something of yours — like a photo or scarf — that she can keep in her cubby, or just a lipstick kiss on her hand at the preschool good-bye.

• Get her busy. Settle her in an activity before you head out the door — or ask her to show you her most recent collage masterpiece or her favorite book. But don’t give your little one the impression that you’ll stay as long as she needs you. And if you’re having trouble with your exit strategy, ask the teacher if she can step in while you hightail it out of there after giving your little one a breezy bye-bye.

• Stay positive. Don’t let on that you’re worried or waiting for trouble at the preschool drop-off. Instead, appear completely confident that your child will separate easily — say good-bye cheerfully and matter-of-factly. Then walk out without a backward glance (tough, but necessary).

If your child still has a hard time separating from you, try this: Say your good-byes at home and ask your partner (if your preschooler’s not as attached to him!) or a classmate’s parent to drop her off instead.

Texas School Triples Recess Time And Sees Immediate Positive Results In Kids

A Texas school started giving children four recess breaks a day, and teachers and parents say the results have been wonderful.

Recess is a lot more than just a free break for kids to play after lunch period. That free, unstructured play time allows kids to exercise and helps them focus better when they are in class. Now a school in Texas says it took a risk by giving students four recess periods a day, but the risk has paid off beautifully.

According to Today, the Eagle Mountain Elementary in Fort Worth, Texas, has been giving kindergarten and first-grade students two 15-minute recess breaks every morning and two 15-minute breaks every afternoon to go play outside. At first teachers were worried about losing the classroom time and being able to cover all the material they needed with what was left, but now that the experiment has been going on for about five months, teachers say the kids are actually learning more because they’re better able to focus in class and pay attention without fidgeting.

“There was a part of me that was very nervous about it,” said first-grade teacher Donna McBride. “I was trying to wrap my head around my class going outside four times a day and still being able to teach those children all the things they needed to learn.”

But now she says that not only are the students paying better attention in class, they’re following directions better, attempting to learn more independently and solve problems on their own, and there have been fewer disciplinary issues.

“We’re seeing really good results,” she said, and those results make sense. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that recess is “a crucial and necessary component of a child’s development.” Even adults have a hard time concentrating and working their best when confined to a chair all day, so it’s amazing that we expect kids to be able to focus and learn without any way to exercise and blow off steam. When kindergarten students or first-graders are forced to sit still all day and allowed only one 15-minute break to play, as the Eagle Mountain students were before this experiment began, it’s only natural that they’d start to fidget and act up in class. Giving them regular breaks to play outside is good for their minds as well as their bodies.

“You start putting 15 minutes of what I call ‘reboot’ into these kids every so often and… it gives the platform for them to be able to function at their best level,” said professor Debbie Rhea, who is working with Eagle Mountain Elementary and other schools to increase the amount of physical activity and play time children get at school.

Rhea’s program calls for schools to add the four 15-minute recesses a day for kindergarten and first-grade students, and then adding another grade every year as it goes on. And teachers aren’t the only ones seeing good results from this program, either. Some parents say they’ve noticed their children being more independent and creative at home, and they also say the extra recess time has helped their kids socially. It’s a lot easier to make friends on the swing-set than when you’re all silently watching an adult explain math problems, after all.

Giving up class time for regular, short recess breaks seems like an exchange that pays off well, because after recess kids learn more efficiently and enthusiastically when they are in class than they would if they were just strapped to their desks all day. Kids today have a lot of things to learn in a short amount of time, but it looks like the best way to help them learn is to give them time to play and be kids.

by Elizabeth Licata

Music and Movement - Instrumental in Language Development

By Maryann Harman, M.A.

“A B C D E F G.” Even before the brain research findings, teachers and parents have taught the alphabet to children with the help of a song. Now, based on the research, we understand why. With the help of cat scans, we have been able to see what happens to the brain when listening to music. Each component of music affects a different part of the brain, e.g. a familiar song activates the left frontal lobe, timbre the right frontal lobe, and pitch the left posterior. One side of the brain processes the word while the other processes the music – activating the whole brain ensures better retention. Short-term memory has the ability to hold only seven bits of information. If bits of information are bonded together, as in a song, it can be processed as one piece. By condensing the information, the brain is able to receive and process more. In this article, we will discuss brain research findings and explore how music and movement can be used to enhance memory skills and retention and language development.

Language Begins Early The ability to speak and hear language begins before birth. At 23 days of gestation, a fetus can feel sound and, at around four months, hear. At twelve weeks the fetus moves spontaneously. At five months the fetus responds to phonemes (the smallest unit of a word/letter that has sound) it hears through the amniotic fluid, spoken by the mother. A fetus will respond to music by blinking or moving to the beat. Dr. Alfred Tomatis, who will be discussed in the next paragraph, used fiber optic cameras to observe the movement of the fetus in regard to sound. Though the particular muscle moved varied in each child, each time the same phoneme was sounded, the same muscle responded! This sensory-motor response allows the fetus to begin learning language in utero. This information suggests that prenatal exposure to music can be used to enhance a baby’s development, and perhaps alleviate or minimize some developmental delays (Campbell, 2000).In Dr. Carla Hannaford’s book, Smart Moves: Why Learning is Not All in Your Head” (1995), she outlines the development of the ear and its role in language development. Once the amniotic fluid has dried out of the Eustachian tubes and outer ear canals, the sense of hearing becomes pretty accurate. The ear is the most fully developed of the sense organs at birth and the last sense to stop at death. Much of the previous information is a result of the work of Dr. Alfred Tomatis who is credited with ‘discovering’ that the voice only represents what the ear can hear, also known as the Tomatis Effect. His research has done much to help with developmental delays and disabilities including autism. A person’s ability to hear affects abilities and emotion. Damage to hearing can cause depression. In patients with Alzheimer’s Disease, the playing of a song that has emotional memory causes periods of clarity. It is believed it is because the music stimulates a part of the brain related to memory. There have also been many anecdotes of people remembering melodies that had been played while they were in utero. This is not only fascinating, but also functional. Having this information, we need to implement it in early childhood by providing activities that encourage active listening skills. These activities can include rhythm stick activities, imitating vocal sounds, and marching.Time should be taken to note the window of opportunity to learn sounds and words. Children will make sounds that are common to humans universally. Over the first year, they begin to produce only the sounds heard in their own culture. Newborns can perceive any phoneme they hear, but this ability is lost within the first year. The ability to learn languages is during these first years. The opportunity to learn foreign language is believed to end at about the end of the twelfth year, but the phonemes must have been presented to them in the first year. This is the reason why music from many countries using different languages should be played for children in the early years. This prepares the brain for the ability to use these words later in life should it be necessary. It also exposes the children to the sounds of different cultures. Think of it as inputting data in long-term storage. It’s there if you need it.According to Howard Gardner there are at least eight different types of intelligence. He cites music as the first of the multiple intelligences to become functional in a person. “The single most important thing in education is for each person to find at least one thing that he/she connects to, gets excited by, feels motivated to spend more time with” (Gardner, 1992). For many children, music is that thing.

Keeping the Beat Studies by Phyllis Weikert reveal the importance of the ability to keep a steady beat and its link to adequate linguistic development. In 1981, 80 – 85 percent of female high school students could keep a steady beat and 60 – 66 percent of males. In 1991, the percentages dropped to 48 percent and 30 percent respectively. Less than 50 percent of adults have the ability to keep a steady beat. Only 10 percent of kindergarten students could keep a steady beat. This ability should be in place by two to three years of age. The prime time to teach it is up until the age of seven. Older students and adults without this in place will find deficiencies in different skills that they will not be able to overcome. Being able to keep a steady beat helps a person to feel the cadence (rhythm) of language and involves the vestibular system.While working with very young children, I began to notice how syncopated rhythms were absent from their vocabularies, e.g. Winnie the Pooh becomes WinPoo! Although the ear is the most fully developed of the senses at birth, children were not sounding the syncopated rhythms. I wondered if they were not hearing them as well as the accented sounds because they moved so quickly. I wondered if by tapping out these words in straight rhythms it might help them hear the entire word better. Using rhythm sticks or hands, the child (alone or with adult help) says each sound of the word – Wi Ni the Pooh. If the child wanted to tap the sticks by themselves, parents were encouraged to tap the rhythm on the child’s back thus internalizing the rhythms. After hearing it that way several times, the adult can then say the word with the proper cadence. It seems to work. Parents are reporting to me that children are speaking words they were having difficulty with after sounding them out in this fashion. Of course, the fact that with maturation vocabulary was going to improve is a factor; however, there was noticeable increase also with children who were having problems with language. Simplification of the words has had a definite impact on these children. (This idea is used in “For the Love of Language” an article in the special edition of Newsweek: Your Child, Fall/Winter, 2000.) This activity can be used to introduce new vocabulary. Talk with babies and tap out rhythms. Research is showing that infants who have mothers who talk a lot have 131 more words at twenty months than other toddlers and 295 more at twenty-four months. This article begins with the alphabet. Using the above information, the ABCs are recited with a straight rhythm, giving each letter its own sound and not running the LMNOP together, but spacing them out as L M N O P. There have been several children’s recordings made now with the alphabet recited in this fashion. Teachers and parents have had favorable responses and the children are realizing the letters are separate sounds. Tapping rhythms is also important because when the hands are activated, there is more effective learning, thus encouraging the “hands-on” approach to learning. Movement and rhythm stimulate the frontal lobes and enrich language and motor development (Brewer & Campbell, 1991).Although these activities are helpful in preparing the brain for language, it should be noted that children should not be pushed to read early. Reading too early puts stress on the eyes and causes other potential damage. In Chris Brewer and Don Campbell’s book, Rhythms of Learning, they state that emphasis on early acquisition of reading, writing, math and other symbol systems may actually cause children to develop awkward and inappropriate methods of understanding these symbols. If this information is given to a child before they are neurologically ready, it may just result in meaningless memorization. If this is done prematurely, it may process in the wrong region of the brain, which is not as beneficial as processing in the proper region. In Denmark, reading is not taught until the age of eight and their literacy rate is 100 percent.A wonderful, easy music tool for young children is the kazoo. In Music with Mar. classes, children as young as 10 months of age are producing sound from the kazoo. Kazoos activate bone structure because of the vibrations. This activates the vestibular system. Using a pun, I’d like to state that playing kazoo is instrumental in language development. As a child plays kazoo, they are developing self-esteem, internalizing rhythms, having fun and establishing the beginning of inner voice, a skill necessary for higher-level thinking. Inner speech is the process through which we hear ourselves think and listen internally. Inner-speech should be in place by the age of 7 1/2 or 8. Children without inner voice need to hear something to understand it. These are the children who walk up to the teacher's desk to ask questions about problems they’re trying to work out. These children may have impulse control problems because they need to move to think and may act before thinking it all the way through. To further enhance these skills, at about the age of seven or eight, children should be introduced to singing in rounds or singing songs like “B I N G O”, where they need to think the words and leave a space thus using inner voice.Beginning at the age of four, games can be played with the kazoos. One game to play is “Guess what song this is”. Someone plays a melody and another person has to guess what song they're playing. Then that person gets to play a song and have someone else guess. Children will play this game for quite a while. It’s fun, challenging and brain exercise. Repeating patterns is also fun to do with kazoos. You play a rhythm pattern and the children echo. Kazoos can also be used for marching or just playing along. One of my most requested songs is “The Clean-up Blues”. After children get their things put away, they get out their kazoos and play along. When the song is over, everyone is in one spot ready for the next activity and the room is clean! Another benefit is the exposure to the style of music known as the blues.

Moving to the Music A natural partner to music is movement. Movement is a nonverbal response for children who do not yet have language ability. The vestibular system (part of the ear related to balance and movement) must be activated for learning to take place (Hannaford, 1995). The eighth cranial nerve is the Vestibulo-cochlear. It comes from the inner ear mechanism, the semicircular canals and cochlea. The eighth cranial nerve pair carries auditory information from the ear to the brain. These connect through the vestibular system to all the muscles of the body. All learning in the first fifteen months of life is centered on the vestibular system development (Hannaford, p.157). Disturbance to the vestibular system can cause learning difficulties. This highlights the importance of movement in the beginning years to strengthen the vestibular system and ready the brain for learning. Don Campbell, author of The Mozart Effect and The Mozart Effect for Children, states, “Movement is an absolute necessity for a toddler, and music stimulates the best kinds of movement.” (Campbell, p. 102). The brain works by electrical current thereby needing oxygen and water to function well. Movement helps to provide one of these two elements, oxygen. Another wonderful thing happens with movement. The brain produces a neuro-chemical called endorphins. This chemical causes a feeling of energy and makes the brain more conducive to learning. Movement and rhythm stimulate the frontal lobes, important in language development. This portion of the brain grows between the ages of two and six. It has another growth spurt at around the age of twenty-two.A specific type of movement, cross lateral, is necessary for the brain to be ready to learn to read. This type of movement can be done while dancing or moving to other activities to accompany music or by tapping rhythm sticks and using different tapping patterns. It is also done while crawling and that is why it is important for babies to crawl. Cross lateral movement enables the brain to cross the mid-section (going from the right side of your body, across the center to the other side). This ability is necessary for reading and writing because in order to read and write one must go from one side of the paper to the other. There are many wonderful ways to cross one’s midsection. Dancing with scarves, as they flow from one side of the body to the other or walking like elephants, swaying arms as if they were trunks from side to side are just two examples. Exercising to music and doing cross crawls or windmills is not only great for the cardio-vascular system, but it is readying the brain for reading and is fun as well. These activities also help with balancing. A child, who cannot stand on one foot, probably can't read and write because standing on one foot demonstrates the ability to balance and being able to balance is the result of a strong vestibular system. (Hannaford, 1995). The vestibular system is strongly related to language abilities. Being able to stand on one foot is an accomplishment that could be greeted with “Wow! Look at you standing on one foot!” This makes the child feel good which gets them trying to do more activities to balance. Balancing strengthens the vestibular system. One activity is directly related to another.

Involve the Senses What makes the above activities so successful is the use of more than one of the senses. The more senses involved in an activity, the better the success rate of learning the lesson. With rhythm sticks, we are activating speaking, hearing and feeling. We are also using both hemispheres of the brain. The real magic of music is that it not only uses both hemispheres, but each quadrant of the brain processes a different component of music. Human beings learn 10 percent of what they read, 20 percent of what they hear, 30 percent of what they see, 50 percent of what they see and hear, 70 percent of what is discussed, 80 percent of what is experienced and 95% of what you actively teach (Hannaford, 1995). Early childhood experiences that get the child involved in the total process will yield the greatest results. It is important to note that only live learning boosts vocabulary – meaning television viewing does not stimulate learning. Because of the massive amount of time American children spend in front of TV sets, the term ‘sitcom vocabulary’ is now being used. In the 1950s, the average fourteen-year-old had a 25,000-word vocabulary. In 1999, that number was down to 10,000! (Healy & Pearce)To activate more senses, one could blow bubbles while music is playing. Encourage children to catch the bubbles with their pincer grips. (This fine motor skill exercises a muscle in the brain used for higher-level thinking.) Some bubbles have odor and or flavor to them. These bubbles can be caught with the mouth. Although I would not suggest using the flavored bubbles with the youngest children, I would use them once they are old enough to realize the difference between bubbles you can catch with your mouth and those you can’t. Now all five senses are being used - hearing (as the music plays), touching (as they use their pincer grips), seeing (as they watch the bubbles), smelling (as they smell the fragrance) and tasting (as they catch them with their mouths). This active learning stimulates and involves more parts of the cerebral cortex, producing stronger long-term memory. After an experience like this, the entire brain is awake and waiting to be filled! A wonderful resource for information and activities to awaken the senses is Dr. Pam Schiller’s book, Start Smart (Schiller, 1999).

Using the Arts A new study from Harvard Graduate School of Education’s Project Zero found demonstrable links between experiences with music and drama and increases in certain cognitive skills. The three-year-study (directed by Project Zero researchers Ellen Winner and Lois Hetland and funded by the Bauman Family Foundation) reviewed 50 years of arts education research, analyzing 188 relevant studies. Based on 45 reports, researchers found evidence that spatial-temporal reasoning improves when children learn to make music, and this kind of reasoning improves temporarily when adults listen to certain kinds of music, including Mozart. The finding suggests that music and spatial reasoning are related psychologically (i.e. they may rely on some of the same underlying skills) and perhaps neurologically as well (i.e. they may rely on some of the same, or proximal, brain areas). However, the existing reports do not reveal conclusively why listening to music affects spatial-temporal thinking.Music also has a natural connection to drama. Children are natural actors and love to act out their favorite stories. Comprehension is increased when there is active participation. The ability to learn and retain is increased after a dramatic activity. Sound stories are a great way to incorporate music and drama. Put a variety of instruments out, get out a book and have the children insert sound to the story. Children will want to do the story over again. Repetition is important. (When learning a new concept, it takes 1500 times before that concept becomes concrete.) (Bailey/Sprinkle, 1998). You may want to record your work or even include a “recording studio” as part of your listening center. Here children can record their work. Language development can be enhanced verbally and in written form. Children can design covers for their recordings. One creative teacher had the children record a book for Mothers’ Day, design a cover and sent it home as a gift. The moms loved it!

The Mozart Effect – Repetition is Key Drs. Frances Rauscher and Gordon Shaw conducted studies at The University of California, Irvine to determine the effects of piano keyboard instruction on the spatial-temporal reasoning of kindergarten children. It was this research that the media coined the “Mozart Effect”. This research sparked much interest in music and learning, particularly Mozart's music. Because the media gave it so much play, negative and positive, doubt was thrown on the original research. A second study was conducted at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh by Dr. Rauscher to see if the same results would occur. They did. It was found that children, who were exposed to keyboard instruction on a weekly basis for a period of at least six months, had better spatial-temporal reasoning. Unfortunately, Dr. Rauscher’s work also showed that if the music lessons were discontinued, the connections made from the music lessons would die off. Music must be an ongoing part of the curriculum. One should note, however, that habituation (having something become too familiar) and overuse would make the music ineffective. For this reason, it is suggested that music be used 22 minutes for each hour.Part of the reason this research was coined the “Mozart Effect” is because it was discovered that listening to Mozart produced activity in both hemispheres of the brain. This activity is not produced with spoken text. It is hypothesized that music strengthens neural firing patterns and enhances spatial-temporal tasks. Music is processed separately. Lessons do not need to be private for the benefits. This is why school music programs are important. It should not be concluded that playing Mozart will make children smarter. It will not. Playing Mozart activates both hemispheres of the brain making it more conducive to learning. Activities must accompany the music.

Conclusion Putting all the information together, one must acknowledge the importance of music in the classroom. Music gets the whole child involved in the process of learning. Learning style researchers, Rita and Kenneth Dunn, have found that as many as 85 percent of people are kinesthetic learners. (Einstein was a kinesthetic learner.) Combining this with the face that 99 percent of what is learned is unconscious, we must realize the impact of music and movement activities. While marching or singing, one is usually not thinking about what they are learning. Music activities prepare the brain for more difficult tasks needed later by preparing the brain to work from both hemispheres. For example, though printing uses one side of the brain, cursive uses both. Music helps the brain to process higher-level thinking. Half the population does not reach the Piagetian stage of formal thinking. Evidence shows that one-third does not reach concrete thinking. Music is a tool to help wire the brain to reach this higher level of thinking. When we put instruments in a child’s hands in the early years, we are teaching them an activity that is positive and will last them a lifetime. What a wonderful gift to give our children!

Maryann “Mar.” Harman, M.A., specializes in music education and is a recording artist and educational consultant. For more information about Maryann, please visit her website at www.musicwithmar.com.

Encouraging Nature Play

Parenting is arguably a greater challenge now than at any time in the past century. American adults work longer hours than ever before. Dual-career families are the norm. Worried that our kids will be “left behind,” we schedule almost every waking moment of their lives— school, organized sports, music lessons, sleepovers, summer camps—and rack up miles driving them to and fro. Fearing stranger danger, we keep youngsters locked indoors under effective “house arrest.” Whether or not the statistics support the notion that kids are at higher risk of abduction by strangers (they don’t), this media-catalyzed fear is all too real and deserving of empathy.

The demise of outdoor play One of the greatest casualties of this indoor migration is the most quintessential of childhood activities—outdoor play. Overscheduled kids have no time for it. Over-screened kids opt for virtual worlds invented by others. And overprotected kids are kept inside under constant supervision. As the parent of a 12 year-old girl, I have experienced all of these challenges.

I refer here to real play, or free play. Damming streams, building makeshift forts and dens, holding back the tide with castle walls of sand, creating miniature cities in the garden, being a fireman one minute and Tarzan the next, quickly followed by a super hero—these are the kinds of things that make up real play. It is freely chosen and directed by children, with no external goal or reward. And it often occurs outdoors, immersed in all the “loose pieces” and sensory wonders of the natural world.

If you’re over 40 years of age, chances are your childhood was filled with such unfettered, exuberant play. But today, play is fast becoming a “four-letter word,” equated with wasting time.

The benefits of play Play researchers adamantly argue that authentic play is (and has always been) the most critical activity of early childhood, and gives children a number of benefits, including:

• Promoting creativity and imagination, problem-solving and higher IQ scores, and emotional and social development.
• Engendering a sense of self and a sense of place, allowing children to recognize both their independence and interdependence.
• Fostering cognitive, emotional, and moral development, especially in outdoor settings.
• Improving such motor skills as balance, coordination, and agility, critical for growing bodies.

Far from being frivolous, play is the fuel that drives healthy brain development, and the very crucible of learning.

So how do we then foster outdoor play while minimizing risks and managing our fears?

1. Practice “hummingbird parenting.” We’ve all heard about helicopter parents, incessantly hovering over their kids, protecting them from any danger. Most of us have an intuitive sense that the helicopter approach isn’t the best way to oversee children, given their growing need for autonomy.

But what’s the alternative? Parent and blogger Michele Whitaker offers a potent alternative—“hummingbird parenting.” Beginning around five or six years of age, children long for some more separation and independence from grown-ups. One of the greatest challenges for parents and other caregivers is to honor this need, fighting the urge to be ever present.

Becoming a hummingbird parent means giving kids space and autonomy to take risks, staying on the periphery sipping nectar most of the time and zooming in only when necessary. If the idea of hanging back makes you nervous, start off close, slowly work your way back, and see how it feels. Monitor how the children are feeling about your distance too. As they get older, increase that separation so as to give kids the freedom to take bigger risks, make some mistakes, and deal with consequences.

In short, the goal should not be to eliminate risk. Children need to learn how to deal with risky circumstances, or face much larger consequences as inexperienced adolescents and adults.

2. Schedule unstructured play. By scheduling in nature play, and developing your flight skills as a hummingbird parent, you can find ways to keep kids safe while allowing them to take appropriate risks and push limits. If we’re successful, the end result will be another generation of confident, free-range kids! Encourage kids to create their own imaginative games and activities, preferably using readily available natural elements—loose parts like water, sticks, dirt, and rocks. Feel free to gather up some of these loose parts or, better yet, have the kids do it. Bigger elements, such as large sticks, can be used for creating makeshift structures, like forts or bridges. Smaller items can be used in an almost infinite array of activities.

3. Let kids engage fully with nature. Too often these days, a child’s encounters with nature are dominated by a look-but-don’t-touch directive. Fearing that we must protect nature and our kids at all cost, we often do far more harm than good. Nature connection depends on firsthand, multisensory encounters. It’s a messy, dirty business—picking leaves and flowers, turning over rocks, holding wriggling worms, and splashing in ponds. Rather than saying “no” every time a child wants to pick up a stick, throw a rock, climb a tree, or jump into the mud, take a deep breath and cheer them on instead. Remember, clothes can be washed, and cuts heal.

Nature connection is a contact sport, and both kids and nature can take it!

About Dr. Scott Sampson Scott Sampson is Vice President of Research and Collections at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science. He also serves as host and science advisor of the hit PBS KIDS series, Dinosaur Train, and is author of the new book, How to Raise a Wild Child: The Art and Science of Falling in Love with Nature (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2015).

The Right Dose of Screen Time for Kids

Before I became a parent, I had the same self-righteous attitude about my future son that a lot of people have before becoming a parent: There would be absolutely no screen time in my house. I judged parents at restaurants for cramming an iPad in front of their 5-year-olds during dinner, and scoffed at my friends for buying a mini-van fully equipped with a TV and DVD player. In 2011, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommended that children under the age of 2 should not watch any television, and slightly older kids should be limited to 2 hours of screen time per day. This sounds easy enough if you’re not a parent, but now that I am, the idea of keeping my son from screens altogether just sounds unrealistic; so unrealistic in fact that Friday, the AAP changed their policy. They now recommend that parents keep infants under 18 months of age away from screens as much as possible, unless it is to video chat with grandparents or other relatives.

The AAP’s change of heart likely reflects the reality that screens have become part of our everyday lives and we have to make decisions about when and how to regulate our kids’ screen time use. Although some researchers would disagree, a little bit of screen time is not all that bad, as long as you have the right expectations about what screens are and what they are not, and about what they can and can’t offer your kids. Here’s what research can tell us:

1. Screens are a means by which kids can learn if the content is educational. But, this is only true for older kids and there is little evidence children under the age of 2 can learn from screens at all, which is what prompted the AAP’s original no-screen-time-for-babies policy. In fact, there are doubts about whether infants and young children can even understand the content of what they are seeing on screens. So, it’s fine to let your kids watch a little bit of PBS Kids, as long as you’re not expecting it to teach your babies how to read.

2. Screens themselves are not actually bad for your kids. What I mean is, there is no evidence that the act of watching a TV or playing with an iPad makes kids dumber, hurts their vocabulary or reading skills, or makes them fail math. It’s what screen time is replacing that can be detrimental to learning, like if your child is watching TV instead of playing outside or doing his homework. So if screen time is replacing a potential fight with a sibling during a long car ride, it can be a great tool, but if it’s replacing time when your kids can be playing outside with their friends, it’s probably not so great. The bottom line is, active play is always better than using a screen, so if screen time is replacing playtime, maybe it’s time to put the iPad away.

3. Screens can distract kids if they are left on in the background. There’s research suggesting that background TV distracts kids from other activities, like playing with toys or talking to parents. It’s distracting nature also reduces the quality of children’s play. So if your kid isn’t specifically sitting down to watch Sesame Street, it’s best to just leave the TV off.

4. Screens cannot teach your kids more than you can. Although there is some  suggesting that kids can learn from screen time or educational television shows, there’s lots of research showing that kids learn much better by interacting with their parents, friends, and teachers, and they learn better from screens by watching it with you.

5. The content of children’s screen time matters. There is mounting evidence that engaging with media that contains violent content (including both TV and video games) does in fact increase aggressive behavior in children. With the countless number of educational shows and apps available for kids these days, there is no reason why they should be watching adult-directed programming, especially programming that contains violence.

With these ideas in mind, my own rule of thumb for allowable screen time has been to ask myself: What is screen time replacing? Does watching Dora for 20 minutes replace an agitated conversation with a half-awake, unengaged parent who can later function better by having that 20 minutes to herself? Does watching a DVD in the car on a long trip replace an hour and a half of crying? In these cases, I’d say go for it, and don’t feel guilty. But if your kids want to spend all their time with screens instead of playing outside, it might be time to make some rules. In fact, the AAP’s new recommendations involve creating a family plan for screen time, so that parents can teach children about appropriate screen time use.

Vanessa LoBue PhD
 

5 Ways Outdoor Learning Optimizes Children's Well-Being

Increasingly, children around the world have fewer and fewer opportunities to play and learn outdoors. Growing evidence shows that the disconnection from nature caused by urbanization and living in a digital era (along with a host of other reasons) is causing the minds and bodies of 21st century children to short-circuit on many levels.According to a team of international experts, the lack of time spent out-of-doors is triggering a swath of unexpected negative consequences for younger generations. A new study, published today, makes a strong case for policymakers to consider the benefits of implementing outdoor learning as a cost-effective way to improve children's well-being and quality of life. 

"Nature's Peace Will Flow Into You...While Cares Drop Off Like Autumn Leaves"

Over a hundred years ago, in response to industrialization and mass migration towards city life, there was a 20th century push by people such as President Theodore Roosevelt and Sierra Club founder, John Muir, to encourage Americans to reconnect with Nature. In his 1901 book, On National Parks, Muir wrote,

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings, Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves. As age comes on, one source of enjoyment after another is closed, but nature's sources never fail."

We all know that our daily lives in the 21st century are dominated by portable digital devices and smartphones that have the power to sever our ties with the natural environment—in ways that John Muir could have never imagined. The latest global research shows that in nations around the world, children are losing their freedom to play, explore, and be physically active in their outside environments for a wide range of complex reasons. Being denied the opportunity to explore the outdoors can have detrimental impacts on a child’s physical and psychological development. What can we do to fortify stronger connections with Nature?In recent years, I’ve written a number of Psychology Today blog posts about the importance of the environment on a child’s education.

 Over the past 10 years, there've been five significant international reviews focused on the childhood benefits of formal and informal learning in natural environments.As the parent of an 8-year-old, I have a vested interest in keeping my finger on the pulse of the latest empirical findings on various ways to optimize a child's well-being. My hope in writing about these topics in a public forum is to be a small catalyst for creating a groundswell that motivates policymakers to think outside the box when it comes to keeping our children healthy, happy, and resilient in a topsy-turvy and rapidly changing world. 

In my opinion, the most poignant research on the benefits of spending time outdoors are reports that being immersed in nature increases loving-kindness and theory of mind. For people of all ages, the sense of wonder and awe that is inspired by nature creates a belief that there is something out there ‘bigger’ and more important than you in the universe. This tends to nurture the tendency to think globally and with less navel-gazing. Researchers have also found that kids who spend more time outdoors tend to have a stronger sense of self-fulfillment and spirituality than those who spend most of their time inside.

5 Ways Outdoor Learning Optimizes Children's Overall Well-Being

Learning that takes place in green spaces—such as parks, gardens, wildlife areas and woodland, as well as on outdoor field trips has been found to increase children's engagement and enriched the learning experience in many ways. Researchers have found using local green spaces can give children time valuable time outdoors at little or no increase to school budgets. The latest research identifies multiple ways that outdoor learning can have a significant and positive impact on children's well-being.

In a new report, researchers present a framework which lays out how government policymakers could introduce outdoor learning as an integral element of national education policies.The July 2016 report, "Student Outcomes and Natural Outcomes: Pathways From Evidence to Impact 2016," was produced by Plymouth University in the UK and Western Sydney University in Australia. The new report highlights the wide range of benefits to children of learning in the natural environment. The benefits of outdoor learning go beyond improving academic prowess. Outdoor learning also improves social skills, behavior, physical and psychological health, boosts resilience, confidence, and a sense of place.

Outdoor Learning Improves Well-Being by Creating 5 Outcomes:

1. Healthy and Happy Body and Mind

2. Sociable Confident Person

3. Self-Directed Creative Learner

4. Effective Contributor

5. Active Global Citizen

Conclusion: Access to Nature Improves Well-Being Throughout Your Lifespan

The new report was produced following the Lessons from Near and Far conference led by Plymouth University in July 2015, which featured 21 international presentations intended to encourage researchers, practitioners, and policymakers to share ideas of best practice which could potentially be embedded into national outdoor learning policies. Although this research took place overseas, the findings are applicable in the United States.

I can attest to the awe-inspiring and transformative power of outdoor learning. In the 1970s, when New York City was going bankrupt, my parents decided to leave the crumbling chaos of Manhattan in pursuit of a bucolic life in rural Pennsylvania. They bought an old limestone farmhouse in Mennonite country surrounded by endless fields and green pastures close to Hershey, where they make the chocolate bars. 

We left town in our wood-paneled Chevy station wagon with John Denver songs playing on the radio around 1974... I joined 4-H and got a horse named Commander. Once in Pennsylvania, my parents let me run wild. I was free to explore the never-ending wilderness on horseback to my heart's content. I got lost sometimes, but always found my way home before sundown.

It was an idyllic childhood existence. As I was growing up, my mom always had singer-songwriters—such as John Denver, Cat Stevens, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, James Taylor... who seemed to deeply value a connection with nature—in heavy rotation on the 8-Track player in the car and the turntable at home. These songs became the perfect soundtrack to have the conversion experience of an urbanite—who saw the world as a concrete jungle in black and white with lots of shades of gray—to experiencing a type of rebirth in which everything in the world suddenly sprung to life in vivid technicolor after tapping into the power of nature.

My mother and father were laid back to the point of being the antithesis of today's typical "helicopter parents." I like to think that their hands-off approach was based on a conscious decision that they wanted the experiences I had living in the country to feel autonomous and boundary-less. That said, a laid back approach to parenting was also part of the American zeitgeist of the '70s. Whatever my parents' motivation for letting go of the reins and allowing me and Commander to run free through the corn fields, it was the best education I could have gotten at the time.To this day, whenever I hear the song "Morning Has Broken," it takes me right back to the first time I felt every cell in my body connect with the power of nature on a visceral level when I was 9 years old. 

It was a conversion experience that makes me crave living close and connected to nature as an adult. In closing, below is a 1971 live version of the song, which holds timeless wisdom and captures an innocence that seems to be lost these days. I'm optimistic that we can renew some of our lost innocence by fostering outdoor learning from a young age in every nation.

The decline of play in preschoolers — and the rise in sensory issues

By Angela Hanscom

I still recall the days of preschool for my oldest daughter. I remember wanting to desperately enrich her life in any way possible – to give her an edge before she even got to formal schooling. I put her in a preschool that was academic in nature – the focus on pre-reading, writing, and math skills. At home, I bought her special puzzles, set up organized play dates with children her age, read to her every night, signed her up for music lessons, put her in dance, and drove her to local museums. My friends and I even did “enrichment classes” with our kids to practice sorting, coloring, counting, numbers, letters, and yes….even to practice sitting! We thought this would help prepare them for kindergarten.

Like many other American parents, I had an obsession: academic success for my child. Only, I was going about it completely wrong. Yes, my daughter would later go on to test above average with her academic skills, but she was missing important life skills. Skills that should have been in place and nurtured during the preschool years. My wake-up call was when the preschool teacher came up to me and said, “Your daughter is doing well academically. In fact, I’d say she exceeds expectations in these areas. But she is having trouble with basic social skills like sharing and taking turns.” Not only that, but my daughter was also having trouble controlling her emotions, developed anxiety and sensory issues, and had trouble simply playing by herself!

Little did I know at the time, but my daughter was far from being the only one struggling with social and sensory issues at such a young age. This was becoming a growing epidemic. A few years ago, I interviewed a highly respected director of a progressive preschool. She had been teaching preschoolers for about 40 years and had seen major changes in the social and physical development of children in the past few generations.

“Kids are just different,” she started to say. When I asked her to clarify, she said, “They are more easily frustrated – often crying at the drop of a hat.” She had also observed that children were frequently falling out of their seats “at least three times a day,” less attentive, and running into each other and even the walls. “It is so strange. You never saw these issues in the past.”

She went on to complain that even though her school was considered highly progressive, they were still feeling the pressure to limit free play more than she would like in order to meet the growing demands for academic readiness that was expected before children entered kindergarten.

Research continues to point out that young children learn best through meaningful play experiences, yet many preschools are transitioning from play-based learning to becoming more academic in nature. A preschool teacher recently wrote to me: “I have preschoolers and even I feel pressure to push them at this young age. On top of that, teachers have so much pressure to document and justify what they do and why they do it, the relaxed playful environment is compromised. We continue to do the best we can for the kid’s sake, while trying to fit into the ever-growing restraints we must work within.”

As parents and teachers strive to provide increasingly organized learning experiences for children (as I had once done), the opportunities for free play – especially outdoors is becoming less of a priority. Ironically, it is through active free play outdoors where children start to build many of the foundational life skills they need in order to be successful for years to come.

In fact, it is before the age of 7 years — ages traditionally known as “pre-academic” — when children desperately need to have a multitude of whole-body sensory experiences on a daily basis in order to develop strong bodies and minds. This is best done outside where the senses are fully ignited and young bodies are challenged by the uneven and unpredictable, ever-changing terrain.

Preschool years are not only optimal for children to learn through play, but also a critical developmental period. If children are not given enough natural movement and play experiences, they start their academic careers with a disadvantage. They are more likely to be clumsy, have difficulty paying attention, trouble controlling their emotions, utilize poor problem-solving methods, and demonstrate difficulties with social interactions. We are consistently seeing sensory, motor, and cognitive issues pop up more and more  in later childhood, partly because of inadequate opportunities to move and play at an early age.

What is our natural instinct as adults when issues arise? To try and fix the problem that could have been prevented in the first place. When children reach elementary school, we practice special breathing techniques, coping skills, run social skill groups, and utilize special exercises in an attempt to “teach” children how to be still and to improve focus.

However, these skills shouldn’t have to be taught, but something that was developed at a young age in the most natural sense — through meaningful play experiences.

If children were given ample opportunities to play outdoors every day with peers, there would be no need for specialized exercises or meditation techniques for the youngest of our society. They would simply develop these skills through play. That’s it. Something that doesn’t need to cost a lot of money or require much thought. Children just need the time, the space, and the permission to be kids.

Let the adult-directed learning experiences come later. Preschool children need to play!